News of the Squirreled

STOP THE PRESSES! A SQUIRREL EATS A PIZZA!!!!!

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 10:15:45 -0500

Because it's winter and because the news media has more important stories to cover -including celebrity deaths, the US election and the Annual Dog Show -there's a paucity of squirrel stories in the media. Fortunately there are photographers out there willing to leave pieces of pizza out where squirrels can grab the pizza and then the photographer can grab a picture. And these pictures then end up as small content-less webpages that amount to nothing more than OMG! CYOOT SKWERL! LOL

Today's pointless posting includes a squirrel, pizza, and not much else: http://gothamist.com/2012/02/14/squirrel_prefers_grimaldis_will_set.php which answers the unasked question: do squirrels start with the crust or what?

And as we can see the answer is:WHO CARES? Don't we all have more important things to worry about?

Squirrel Hunt Update

Thu, 9 Feb 2012 11:24:26 -0500

It's still squirrel season in many parts of the world and here's a round-up of this year's Squirrel hunt stories.

It's been a mild winter here in North America with little snow and few days of true bone chilling winter temperatures. This means it's been a great year for the squirrel hunter, at least according to this article: http://www.theleafchronicle.com/article/20120209/SPORTS/302090025 in the Clarksville Tennessee newspaper. (Take the last train to Clarksville and I'll meet you at the station with a pot of Brunswick Stew) The article also states that the Tennessee fish are spawning and winter fishing is great! It's a great winter for the hunters and anglers of the Southern US and this is just one of many enthusiasm filled stories I found on the squirrel hunt.

This one from Arkansas http://www.swtimes.com/sports/article_536aae36-50ca-11e1-a2f9-001871e3ce6c.html tells us that the squirrels are now tougher than ever. -so a good long slow cooking is recommended -NO! so be prepared for a challenging hunt. This article has lots of helpful tips for any hunter wanting to bag the perfect squirrel.

Some people are real poopypants when it comes to the squirrel hunt. They think squirrels are cute and cuddly and they will defend the squirrels against hunters. This isn't always a good idea, especially when the hunter becomes all stabby minded against the squirrel defender. This can lead to a suspended sentence and criminal prosecution, as it did in this story: http://billingsgazette.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/assault-tied-to-squirrel-hunting-dispute-nets-suspended-sentence/article_9b134352-5100-5116-878f-d1e38398c74a.html This is a follow-up to the earlier story about the guy being caught and charged after being thwarted in his squirrel hunt.

As we all know squirrels aren't cute or cuddly, especially when they are in process of renovating and remodeling your house for their families. They don't understand why you don't want that extra access point to the attic through the soffits. They can't comprehend why anyone would object to adding a few layers of dead leaves and grass to the fiberglass, especially since fiberglass is harsh on baby squirrel's delicate skin. And if you've ever had squirrel squatters make their home on the engine block of your car, you know that they can lead to some expensive repairs. (hi hubby dave!) So war must be declared and the news media must be alerted to the war: http://www.wect.com/story/16688899/squirrel-war-family-takes-up-arms-against-infestation which includes this quote from the home owner: "These squirrels must be going to some kind of Rambo class, as far as an attack on humans vehicles and property," He's right, because I managed to get a picture of a Rambo squirrel:

When that's what you are fighting then drastic measures are needed.

And that's our round up of squirrel hunting season so far! With only a few more weeks to go you need to get out there right now and shoot a squirrel, even if it's only with a camera!

The Week in Squirrels

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:45:01 -0500

Last week four squirrel stories crossed the old squirrel news desk, and while none were worthy stories on there own all together they make for interesting blog filler. It's the time of year when most squirrels are hiding and chowing down on their stash of nuts so stories are few and far between. The stories that do appear are mostly worthless filler used to fill up newspaper pages and blog entries.

Is it a tailless Squirrel or a "squabbit?"

From somewhere in the US Called "Stafford County" we have this little bit of filler about a tailless squirrel photographed at a bird feeder. One person posited that it might not be a tailless squirrel, but the rare "squabbit" a cross between a squirrel and a rabbit. Squabbits are most often found cohabiting with the Australian Bunnyip and the North American Jackalope. Here's the link to the story: http://fredericksburg.com/News/FLS/2012/012012/01172012/677210 and here's a picture of the critter:

As we can easily see it has squirrel ears, a squirrel ass and it's in a bird feeder eating bird seed the squirrel's favorite place to eat. And as we all know squirrels often lose their tails only to have them show up at a later date as a unique conversation starting or squelching) necklace.For all we know this little guy might be the source of a fetching little beaded number himself.

Squirrel in the Road? Give it a Chance! (and not for becoming your lunch)

Squirrels on the road are a fact of urban life. Killing them or seeing dead squished squirrels is also a fact of urban life. The little rodents are often placing hard shelled nuts in the middle of the road for cars to crack and then running out the eat the nutmeats. So it's no surprise that a good number of them end up as brunswick stew, Squirrel tail jewelry, or a mere smear on the road.

This writer, http://www.redding.com/news/2012/jan/17/william-e-sundahl-squirrel-in-road-give-it-a/ however, would like to change that.They are lively beautiful animals and he would like to see fewer dead squirrels, especially the grey ones. Really? Grey squirrels? Beautiful animals? Not likely, especially after they shred my seedlings, eat my tulip bulbs and rip the insulation out of my attic. He suggests that when a squirrel is running across the road that you hit the brakes and honk the horn. Really? Risk a serious accident -life and limb - the lives of people you don't know -all for the sake of a squirrel? A grey Squirrel?

There are several problems. One: According to the highway and traffic safety act if it's a choice between killing and animal and causing an accident putting human lives in danger then you must kill the animal. It's illegal to swerve for ducks, dogs, geese, squirrels or anything that will not cause grievous harm to the occupants of the vehicle. You can swerve to miss a moose, but you will be charged with careless or reckless driving if you get into an accident when you swerve to miss a squirrel. Two: squirrels are not in any danger of going extinct. Urban squirrel reproduction rates ensure that the population will stay steady even with cars running over them left right and center. Urban squirrels produce more litters per year than their forest cousins. Indeed they are so prolific that they are vermin in many areas of the city.

Lesson From Squirrels!

From the Wall Street Journal comes an article about an urban gardener who has troubles with squirrels in his bird feeder. It's not really original -many other columnists have written about squirrel wars and they come up on my RSS fed quite frequently -but this guys style or writing is lively and engaging: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203462304577136824006306652.html and it's quite interesting as he recounts some of the many comment on how to eradicate squirrels from the face of the earth...or at least the bird feeder. He tries several options and finds them all wanting so he decides to live in peace and harmony with the critters knowing that they will make excellent fodder for future columns whenever it's a light news day. As in the following follow-up! http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204257504577152992337948270.htmlThe most interesting part is the e-mailed solutions others came up with for the problem of squirrels versus bird feeders -including guns, dog, fishers (members of the weasel family, cayenne pepper and those little whirl a squirrel things. The story includes a passage o telling why you should be careful that it's a squirrel after the feeder before using a squirrel-proof feeder. The article tells the story of a bird feeder, and a large black bear running away with a squirrel proof feeder in his mouth. I assume the lesson from the squirrels is that human tolerance for the little rats only goes so far, while the rodent's tenacity is infinite.

Franken-squirrel

Speaking of the standard news columnist scraping for a story this article is about dog versus squirrel. The columnist named the rodent "frankenSquirrel" because SquirrelZilla has been done to death. The story is told from the point of view of the dog, which makes it only marginally more entertaining that the Squirelzilla story two years ago told from the point of view of the dog's owner. And this story comes from Saskatchewan rather than whatever US state the last dog versus squirrel story I linked to. Most I ignore because they aren't' that interesting and one can only post pictures of Dug from "up!" so many times before it gets old and tired. So here's a link to the story: http://www.leaderpost.com/life/When+dogs+squirrely/6005627/story.html You can read it, but the Wall Street Journal story is far more interesting and seriously, don't you have better things to do? Like sort your sock drawer? Or watch football?

Tim Tebow=Squirrel Girl?

Next we have an article that compares quarterback Tim Tebow to Marvel's Squirrel Girl, also known as The Most Underrated Character Ever! except that Squirrel Girl actually accomplished things, as opposed to Tebow who has yet to live up to his hype. In fact I think Tebow is the Anti-Squirrel Girl: The most over-rated quarterback in the NFL. Her's the link: http://www.newsarama.com/comics/tim-tebow-squirrel-girl-marvel-super-hero-120109.html

A Victorian Delicacy makes a come-back.

According to the Times of Pakistan a gourmet delight dating back to the Victorian age is making a comeback in posh eateries. The dish is one of our favorites: Grey Squirrel pie. Apparently, according to this well researched article (being sarcastic) the demand for grey squirrel pie in the UK is so high that it's worrying conservationists. This is quite odd because I get at least two stories a week telling how the UK is overrun with greys and trying to eradicate them. They are a serious threat to the more docile and less aggressive native red squirrels and the greys have pushed the reds to the brink of extinction. UK conservationists were encouraging the consumption of greys so that the reds could make a come-back. Her's the story from the times of Pakistan: http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2012\01\16\story_16-1-2012_pg9_2 and here's the counter argument from a UK newspaper: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-16530783 It's quite the debate in parts of the UK, and far too interesting for us to talk about today when we are focusing on filler rather than substance.

And that's the round up up of a week's worth of squirrelly news stories.

Squirrel and toy Dinosaur find true ....something....

Fri, 6 Jan 2012 11:42:43 -0500

From the the UK Sun comes this edifying story of a squirrel who was given a toy dinosaur by a photographer so the photographer could take cute and stupid pictures. There's no other explanation!

He's either madly in love with the dino...or he's a squirrel Dentist.

Of course the second picture needs to be Lol'd. Apparently the squirrel wasn't a dentist and it's true love. There's nothing like showing off the love nest to your new girlfriend.

Here's the article...such as it is: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4038429/Squirrel-and-T-Rex-Get-It-On.html ..but don't we all have better things to do?

Rupert The Great Christmas Wish Squirrel: Movie Review

Mon, 5 Dec 2011 11:05:44 -0500

Disclaimer: I am a scrooge when it comes to Christmas movies. I don't like Christmas movies. I despise It's a wonderful life and I loathe Miracle on 42nd street. I dislike movies that are manipulative in their attempts to "tug on the heartstrings" and I resent any "redemption at Christmas" story that isn't the original by Charles Dickens or Dr Suess. Those two did it well enough that it doesn't need to be done again. My favorite movies for Christmas tend to be ironic -National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Bad Santa, of course Will Ferrel as "Elf" I like White Christmas, -it's a big old cliche of a musical with the thinnest of plots, but it scores big points for being honest and self aware: It's a great big box of sweet, fancy chocolates wrapped in shiny red and green tinsel that's perfect for Christmas but no other time of the year. It knows what it is, gives a sly wink and nod to the audience, and it doesn't try to be something it's not. Keeping this in mind here's my review for a Christmas movie that includes a squirrel. You would think that a movie with a squirrel would be something I would automatically like. But you would be wrong.

The Great Rupert is a movie from 1950 starring Jimmy Durante and a stop-motion animated squirrel. It's about a down on their luck family on the brink of losing everything and they are saved just in time for Christmas by Rupert, the Performing Squirrel. It's absolute drivel and tripe, the kind of stuff packaged by Hollywood as "heartwarming" and "charming" By putting a bright red bow on it and covering the final scene in tinsel they also sell it as a "Family Christmas movie" It's a sickening sweet confection that could only be passed off at Christmas when people's tolerance for sugar is highest. Any other time of year and without the tinsel and shiny wrapping paper it would be seen as the bad movie that it is.

It has been colorized and repackaged and retitled "A Christmas Wish" about as clichéd and hackneyed a movie title as you can get -which pretty much sums up everything about this movie. Adding more tinsel and brighter colors didn't help.

How bad is it? So bad that it was allowed to lapse into public domain without so mush as a peep from anyone. Let's watch this little tid-bit on youtube:

And that opening scene is the very best part of the movie: the dancing squirrel in a kilt is adorable and the dancing Jimmy Durante is charming but after the dance is done the movie turns stupid and maudlin. The entire movie is on youtube, being public domain and all.

The only thing that rescues this movie from the oblivion it so richly deserves is Jimmy Durante, who adds a real sparkle that even the shiniest tinsel can match -nor can it outshine. He almost makes the movie worth watching. Rupert the Squirrel also has tons more personality than any of the other humans in the movie, all who are painted with the broadest of brushstrokes. If there were more squirrel and less humans and no Christmas crap, then the movie could be fun. As is it's just lame and a bit weird.

So One star out of Five, not even ironically hip or self-aware. This movie needs a hipster ironic self-aware re-make, perhaps with Will Ferrell in the Jimmy Durante role, a bratty princess for the little girl, and a streak of greed somewhere.

Here's a few more positive reviews, including plot summaries: http://www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/19140/The-Great-Rupert/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042524/

So I waz down at skwerl bar...

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 10:18:04 -0500

So I waz down at skwerl bar and did is what dey be talkin bout: It's okay to be friends with the skwerls...but this woman has taken things to the extreme: A woman who lives in Kettering Ohio has been charged with two counts of criminal trespassing on other people's property. What does she do on other people's property? Set fires? Raid their garbage cans? Go through their garden sheds and take rakes? No! She does something even worse! Something that the city, the neighbors and animal control officers have been trying to stop for years!

She goes onto the neighbor's property to feed the squirrels peanuts.

So why doesn't she restrict the rodent buffet to her own yard? That's a good question! According the the neighbors (one who was quite willing to talk to anyone who will listen) she never feeds the squirrels in her own yard, she only feeds them by going into her neighbor's yards and scattering them in everyone else's yard so the neighbor's get the joys of seeing urban wildlife tear up their gardens, invade their attics and chew up car wiring. She does not scatter peanuts on her own yard because they are a nuisance to her own pets and her own garden -according to anonymous neighbor who answered an anonymous e-mail with five pages.

I agree with the neighbors: squirrels are cool, but if she loves them that much she should feed them only in her own yard. Some people can't stand the tree rats and there really are kids who have peanut allergies and squirrels don't care -they will hide their nuts anywhere that's convenient.

It almost sounds like the squirrel feeder has some other agenda going on against the neighbors. It's hard to guess from the new article. found here: http://www.wdtn.com/dpp/news/strange/squirrel-feeder-could-be-jailed There's no reason to feed urban squirrels. Even in the harshest of winters they find more than enough to survive. They eat anything and everything, from leaves to string to garbage to insects.

And of course the neighborhood urban squirrel is an integral part of the urban circle of life, as we see from the above picture. This cat is bringing home a gift for his owner who hopes to make this wonderful dish for the family's dinner:

Squirrel Cobbler

2 squirrels, cut into pieces
2 cups water
2 cups white wine
1 bay leaf
3 carrots sliced
2 onions sliced
3 cloves
2 1/3 cups Bisquick
5 Tb. butter
5 Tb. flour
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper to taste
thyme
1 cup heavy cream
12 baby onions
1-2 Tb. melted butter

Put the squirrel pieces, water, white wine, bayleaf, onion, and
cloves in a saucepan. Bring ingredients to boil, cover and
simmer for an hour.

Remove the squirrel pieces and set aside. Strain the liquid.
Hold aside. Save the vegetables but toss the cloves and bay
leaf. Cut the squirrel into 1 inch chunks. Make a Bisquick
shortcake dough ball according to the box directions. Leave out
the sugar.

Heat the butter and flour in a saucepan, stir in the milk,
squirrel broth, and Worcestershire sauce. Cook slowly until it
thickens.
Stir in the salt, pepper, and thyme. Add the cream. Heat, but
do not boil.

Layer sauce, meat and carrots in a casserole dish. Add the small
onions. Add remaining sauce.

Knead your crust dough and pat it out larger than your dish. Lay
it on top of your ingredients. Brush with butter. Bake for 30
minutes at 450 degrees or until crust is brown.

Serves 6

I have no idea where that recipe came from originally, according to a message board it used to be on the BisQuick website.

Where have all the Acorns Gone?

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 11:35:17 -0500

It's a sad day for the squirrels of New England. According to scientists who study these things there are fewer acorns this year for the Squirrels of Connecticut and Massachusetts than in the past. Two years ago there was a bumper crop of acorns and now this year there are hardly any. They have PICTURES or the side of the trail where this deep probing study was done showing a picture with plenty of acorns and a picture with no acorns. Along with some anecdotes this proves there are fewer acorns.The story is here: http://bostonglobe.com/metro/2011/11/16/where-did-all-acorns/vLXezOKg2YznpAvQycY8LK/story.html Fortunately this little Webkin above has s=no shortage of mushrooms, forest floor litter or acorns.

A google search for cute squirrel with acorn took me to a site called coloring.com -an on line coloring book and this oddly alluring/sexy cartoon squirrel which -needless to say -I HAD to color!

Song Cue!
Where have all the acorns gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the acorns gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the acorns gone?
Squirrels have picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

The Saber Tooth Squirrel? Or Marsupial Rat? Fact Versus Fiction

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:48:41 -0500

Last week The Unniversity of Louisville Kentucky announced a stunning breakthrough in Mamallian Evolution: The marsupial Saber-Tooth Squirrel. It lived about 100 million years ago in South America in the time of the dinosaurs and fills in an important 60 million year gap in the record of early mammals. It was publish on the UofL website and a synopsis of the full article in Nature is also found on line.

So what do we get? Pictures of the skeleton? Renderings of the animal? Nope! We get instead pictures of the silly cartoon squirrel from Ice Age. There's too much of this: http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2011/1103/Saber-toothed-squirrel-from-age-of-dinosaurs-discovered with a picture of Scrat. Much better is this: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/10/101102-saber-toothed-squirrel-fossils-paleontology-dinosaurs-science/ with an artists redering of the critter. Unfortunately, the artist's rendering of the perspective makes the critter look HUGE.

Here's a bit more science: The mammal's name is Cronopio. It was small, about 4-6 inches in length and ate a diet of insects, grubs and bugs of the era. Its habitat was densely forested and rich in other wildlife including dinosaurs. And they didn't find just one complete skull; they found TWO!

The short, narrow skulls reveal that the critter had a narrow muzzle and long canine teeth. It would superficially resemble Scrat, but it would be a predator rather than a crazy and passive nut gatherer. And according to the university article it was probably not really a squirrel, looked nothing like a squirrel nor is it saber-toothed, it's merely a marsupial with big canine teeth that superficially resembles the squirrel from Ice Age.

Here's a much better article that includes far more scince and far less ice age: http://www.wfpl.org/2011/11/03/u-of-l-scientist-discovers-extinct-saber-toothed-squirrel/ including this picture of the actual skulls and skeletal fragments.

For the truly science minded here's the release from the University of Louisville: http://louisville.edu/medschool/news-archive/uofl-scientist-discovers-first-known-mammalian-skull-from-late-cretaceous-period-in-south-america And notice how the headline nor the articel says saber toothed squirrel until halfway down where it says the discoving scinetist used the comparison so ordinary people would understand the discovery.in reality the mammal was probably more mouse like than squirrel like

Here's the article synopsis from Nature: http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v479/n7371/full/nature10591.html the entire article is pay-only but you can see the relevant illustration of the skulls and its place in the evolutionary chart for mammals.

So in conclusion: It's a mammal, it's old, it has teeth, but it isn't a squirrel. But the idea that they found a Saber-toothed squirrel like Scrat from Ice Age?

and:

Legal permission to outwit a squrrel to death.

Tue, 1 Nov 2011 09:49:13 -0500

Today is November the first, sometimes known as the Day of the Dead. To honor the day of the dead we bring this short but brilliantly written story of a Swedish man who got legal permission to kill a squirrel to death: http://www.shortlist.com/home/man-gets-permission-to-kill-evil-squirrel

Helpful picture of what an evil squirrel might look like.

After several years of recording squirrel stories all I can say is "Good for him!" I've seen my share of flaming squirrels setting homes on fire, setting garages on fire and setting cars on fire. They've destroyed attics, eaten Christmas lights, and the common grey squirrel led to the near extinction of the British red squirrel.

Sure they've done some good, like lead the St Louis Cardinals to winning the world Series, and killing off the evil comic book bad guy Thanos (the real one, not one in some imaginary universe) (like all comic books stories aren't IMAGINARY to begin with?) and known either as Squirrel Girl or the Anti-Life or The Slayer Of All That Breathes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squirrel_Girl...but for the most part they are destructive little demons that would devour an entire suburban home including the occupants if given the chance.

I'm sure Dr Doom would agree with this assessment of Squirrel Girl considering her assault on his dignity.

They can be such a huge pest that entire books are written about ridding one's home and garden of squirrels. One book is Titled "Outwitting Squirrels" by Bill Adler Jr. the seeds for this book were planted one winter's day when he attached a bird feeder to the window of his home to observe the feeding habits of birds. Instead he witnessed the feeding and hunting habits of the common squirrel as it took over the feeder and chased away all the birds. I guess the seeds of the book were sunflower seeds and possibly millet. in the man's own words: "I returned from an errand, opened my door and saw a squirrel in my feeder. My birdfeeder! The whole squirrel -- tail and everything -- was inside the feeder, a rectangular lucite compartment attached to my window with suction cups. Nothing has been the same since..."

Even Horatio Caine SuperCop has his own squirrel tails. But not content just to wear infinite sunglasses and whip out lame one liners Adler decided to do something. He researched all aspects of squirrel behavior, like those nation Geographic TV specials where the researcher sits among the giant apes until she is accepted as one of their own. So he crouched down in a bird feeder to see first hand what goes through their tiny little brains as they raided his feeder. Or not.

This book: http://www.adlerbooks.com/squirrels.html is the result of the man's hard work and years spent crouching in a bird feeder. The book came out in 1987, long before the internet and the spread of information of the sheer evilness and destructiveness of evil squirrels and long before the spread of LOLSquirrels and de-motivational squirrels.

The book has been expanded and republished in a second edition, including many fan submitted stories about outwitting squirrels. You can buy this book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1556523025/adlerrobinbookslA/ and learn one hundred and one fascinating new ways for squirrels to ultimately outwit you.

Ultimately, Adler became a grudging fan of a the little tree rats chronicled here: . http://www.adlerbooks.com/squirrel2.html One of his children was thrilled by the presence of the tree rats in the bird feeder and named him "Bushy" As opposed to the ones we have on Moore Avenue who play chicken with cars and lose, the ones I call "Stumpy"

The book is a worthwhile read for anyone who loves or hates squirrels. It's less a how-to book and more along the lines of Moby Dick, a philosophical tome on one man's battle with an enemy that bears him no ill will, an enemy merely doing as programmed by millions of years of evolution/ This passage is the most succinct in the book, and tell why ultimately all squirrel haters are doomed to fail: Squirrels have only one thing to do all day long: eat. Practically every activity they're involved in concerns food. Their physical makeup allows them to be perpetual eating machines. A mere 2 percent of a squirrel's energy goes into making babies. Just about all of the remaining 98 percent focuses on food. Your food. Squirrels are land sharks, living eating machines.

There's no shortage of "outwitting squirrel" advice on the internet, along with squirrel pictures that make no sense at all. This article is actually quite good and doesn't end in death by fireball of either the squirrel or the homeowner, and that's always a positive: http://www.nwf.org/News-and-Magazines/National-Wildlife/Birds/Archives/2010/Squirrels.aspx My favorite is to hang a slinky over the pole of your birdfeeder. Not philosophical, but much more helpful.

I'm quite sure in some alternate universe this picture makes perfect sense.

HaLLowEen iz 4 SqkErlZ

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 09:54:34 -0500

PumpkinHead Squirrel says Go nutZ and Happy Halloween to All the little Skwerlz out there!